The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
