This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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