just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
