Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.