In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/