i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.