shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.