so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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