weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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