Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
