Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
