If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i out mim tonsoeep
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