he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
