I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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