dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
