I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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