oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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