god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
