so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
