Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Rumble strips road head = magical
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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