I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I smell like Dick and happiness
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