I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
