I don't think brook has ever known best
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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