Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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