Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
