I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
