I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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