David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
