He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
