Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
