Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
