I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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