it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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