I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
