i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
FUCK WHALES
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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