I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize