We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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