Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
