ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
