He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
