I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
