I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
