okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
