I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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