Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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