U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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