atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
