What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
