The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
