Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
