I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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