Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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