Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
