The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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