I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
