so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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