My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
