Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
