Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
