Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
