there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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