Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
