If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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