You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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