My first STD was from a foam party
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
