i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
