I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
