I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
