he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This baby is an asshole
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
