Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I need help removing her.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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