God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
