your thong is hanging out like whoa
look no pants
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
