We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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