He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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