WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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