Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
