He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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