I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
